April 15, 2013

Mila Monday: Ninety-eight Weeks

Now that I've nearly exhausted all my guest posts, it's time for baby to be born. For realsies. Given that I'm nearly a week and a half overdue and my fluid levels are getting questionable, my midwife scheduled me for an induction later today. I am extremely nervous. Any prayers you can send upward on my behalf would be most appreciated. If you're not the praying type, send some happy vibes my way. I could use all the support I can get.

(BTW, the last guest post--tomorrow!--is a great one, and the day after that: baby photos & stats! That's what you've been waiting for anyway, right?)

Aside from my apprehension about this whole labor-inducing business, I have to confess I'm grieving a little. Today our last Mama-and-Mila day. Ever. She will never again have my undivided mama-love and attention; I will never again be able to honestly say she's my favorite girl in the whole wide world.

How am I going to put her down for a nap this afternoon, knowing that I won't be there when she wakes up because I'll be at the hospital bringing her little sister into the world? That the next time I see her, I'll have another tiny person to take care of? That her life is changing forever and she has no idea? How will I ever stop holding her long enough for that to even happen?

I know, I know. She'll adapt and so will I and before too long we'll forget what it was like before the baby came. I'll love this new one just as fiercely and helplessly as I love Mila, and my love for one of them won't diminish my love for the other. Things will be different--fantastically and perplexingly and joyously different--and I will learn to adore this new phase of our lives. I understand that.

And yet. I'm going to miss all the uninterrupted "hold you time." The window shopping trips to Home Depot or Hobby Lobby, just the two of us, just because we can. The bedtime ritual that has become second nature to all three of us. The new stuff will be great, but it won't be the same.

It's hard to be a mama sometimes. Hard and happy and heart-full-to-the-brim wonderful. I strongly recommend it.

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5 comments:

  1. Russell FamilyApril 15, 2013 9:39 AM

    I sure do love you Jen! And the fact that you are almost a week and a half over due makes me a little nervous! My induction was rough only because the drugs they gave me that made contractions come on top of each other! I hope and pray that yours will be easier and quicker.. cuz heaven forbid I hope you dont have an almost 24 hour labor! I love you! Cant wait to meet sweet Bosen #2! Good luck and you are always in our thought and prayers!

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    1. UnknownApril 17, 2013 5:59 PM

      Thanks for the prayers...they certainly helped!

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  2. RachaelApril 15, 2013 10:18 AM

    I remember feeling exactly this way with Abigail--I was teaching that summer and we would walk to my office together every day, and I remember just looking down at her one day when we were ambling along slooooowly and feeling a real sadness that our time as "two buddies," as she used to call us, was drawing to a close. And you're right--it's not something you ever really capture again. It's different.

    I have, however, been delighted to see that there continue to be so many one-on-one opportunities with each of my children. It's not the same, but in some ways I relish it more because it's such a change from the normal hectic pace. I've found that I have consciously built that time with each kid into my day, and it is 100% my favorite.

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    1. UnknownApril 17, 2013 6:01 PM

      That's just it. It's not going to be the same, but I'll probably appreciate those one-on-one moments that much more.

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  3. RachaelApril 15, 2013 10:19 AM

    And...GOOD LUCK! :-) Can't wait to hear all about it, so you best be updating regularly.

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