In the meantime, my friend Camille has kindly written this post just for you. (Okay...she wrote it for me, but I had you guys in mind when I asked her to write it.) She and her husband Jacob are the cute couple behind Friday We're In Love, where she blogs about their efforts to keep the spark in their marriage by going on dates at least once a week. It's such a simple thing, but what a great example they're setting for cultivating a stronger relationship with one's spouse. The world could use more of that, don't you think? Thanks again for being with us, Camille!
Hey Jen’s readers!
I’m Camille, from Friday We’re In Love, and I’m happy to be helping Jen while she’s on maternity leave!
I met Jen in real life before in the blogging world through a mutual friend. I could tell she was stylish, cool, and just real. You know those people you meet in real life and instantly think, “You just get it
don’t you?” Jen was one of those: act together, super mature, fun, hip, and non-judgemental. If you haven’t met her in person, you have something to seriously look forward to!
So we just met, but I’m going to get a little personal here.
I was really afraid of marriage and my amazing husband even had to talk me into it. I had good reason, but one of the major things that scared me was the fact that even many of the amazing people seem to let the spark die after a year or two of marriage, and as they age they seem to
become business partners and lose a lot of their love. My husband reassured me he’d do anything to make sure that didn’t happen, and I made the same commitment. We made a pact that night that we would go on a date once a week no matter what! I even agreed to marriage!
So here’s our deal: Every Friday is date night, and every week we blog what we did for our date. It’s been a fun project, an amazing part of our marriage, and a joy to share on our blog!
So Jen asked if I wouldn’t mind sharing something that I get asked about a lot: what do you plan to do when you have kids? I’m always hesitant to share, because when it comes to pregnancy/birthing/child rearing/family planning/etc. people seem to be really opinionated and have no problem
telling others off. I’ve seen almost everyone I know end up crying after talk of children and parenting ideas. I’ve already had people let me know that dating will end the second we have kids. Sorry naysayers, but we still plan to date even with the new challenge (that’s not an announcement BTW)!
I also can’t help but smile when people tell me I don’t have any idea what it will be like. Let me just say with 29 nieces and nephews who we’ve spent A LOT of time babysitting, spending the weekend watching, and helping with often, I would say that you just don’t know us very well. Jacob and I both come from large families where we’ve helped raise a lot of our siblings. I know things will change, I know it’s a challenge, and I know the responsibility having hard/special need/challenging children can be. I taught high school and junior high for 7.5 years, I think that’s also given some insight!
I’ve had this chat with several of my married friends with kids, and together Jacob and I compiled a list of options and plans for dating with children:
1. Shell out babysitter money. Know dates will cost a lot more, and plan for this. That sacrifice will be worth keeping marriage strong! We’ll probably eat fast food instead of nicer places on dates, and we’ll probably only get a babysitter half the time, but we plan to have at least one date a month where we splurge. I have a friend who does this, and she swears one big one a month kid free without asking for any favors is a great plan!
2. Babysitting swapping. Out of our 29 nieces and nephews, we’re lucky to live near 20, which means we have some family with kids that we can swap babysitting times. We’re also lucky to have many friends who plan to have kids around the time we do. We know they will be grumpy
sometimes sleeping other places. We know this isn’t perfect. But planning to trade once a month and to take on some friends for our kids some nights will definitely be in the plan!
3. Take kids with you. My parents were rock stars and made time for dating even with 6 kids. I know they took the 2 oldest with them when they were babies and toddlers. When I turned 11 they let me watch my younger siblings for a whopping $1 an hour. When we were all old enough to watch ourselves sometimes I’d ask if I could come. They usually said no, but once in awhile they said yes. As a teenager they once made me sit behind them at the movie theater when I tagged along. It was
pretty funny actually! I really enjoyed it when they let me come, and respected their time alone when they didn’t. Although I don’t think kids should come every date, I think involving them some
of the time and having family dates can be a great gig too!
4. Dinner at home. We LOVE to cook. We often think of romantic meals to make at home together. Sometimes we do it, and sometimes we say, “Let’s do this when we have a newborn and are stuck at home for a date.” When kids get older we’ll put them to bed, even if that just means they are
in their room and we stop feeding them if they come out (just kidding). I’ve had many friends do this, and they say it works pretty well!
5. At home dates will increase. See #4 for putting kids to bed early plan. But, there are plenty of things to do at home, even if it involves movies more often than we currently watch now. It’s still
going to be something, and it’s still going to count as a date.
Those are just a few tricks we have up our sleeves! I’m sure we’ll have more if and when this time comes!
If you have any you’ve learned I’d love to hear about them! Come visit my blog and leave a comment, or feel free to contact me with any great suggestions!
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