Why it's okay if you don't do it all

It's Wednesday. On Wednesdays, I take the girls to a friend's house for a few hours and I come home to do whatever the heck I want.

Usually this involves writing or researching or taking photos for future Tipsaholic articles, or working on something for the Beesley Project. Sometimes it means making phone calls, scheduling appointments, paying bills, and other miscellaneous administrative things that come with running a household. More often than not, I take a break to mop the floors because that's really hard to do with an army crawling baby and curious toddler underfoot and it's a nice change of pace from sitting at the computer. No matter what, I spend the entire time doing stuff.

Turns out I can get a lot done in three hours.

I don't really need to send the kids to a sitter during the week. My work commitments are pretty minimal and I could probably find time to meet them at night or on weekends. And while I have lots of reasons for buying myself a few hours--some work-related, most personal--I won't list them here. It would only feel like I was trying to justify my choice, for which I see no need.

What matters is that it's working for our family. I am happier for it.

Katie recently blogged about getting her groceries delivered. That's not something I would do--I actually rather enjoy grocery shopping--but I'm glad she has found a way to eliminate some of her stress. I have another friend who recently hired someone to clean her house once a week or so; she loves that it satisfies her need for order and cleanliness while allowing her to spend precious time with her children. Again, that's probably not a choice I'd make at this point in my life (maybe down the road...I'm open to possibilities) but it brings her peace and contentment.

In Katie's post, she talks about her hesitation to let someone else take over a simple task for her:

"I had a brief moment, when I was about to submit my first online grocery order, where I paused and thought, 'Is this lazy? Oh my gosh. Am I spoiled? Other people go out and get their own groceries. Maybe I should just suck it up.' It reminds me of an article I once read about an American mother, living in Dubai, who loved the culture in that country of nannies and household help. She commented on how she was reluctant to go back to the U.S., where that help was a) less affordable, and b) has a stigma associated with it. Because one unfortunate aspect of our culture is an admiration for the 'do everything and do it yourself' attitude.

"To me, it's a form of extremity: this idea that we could/should do everything ourselves. We think we need to be raise-8-children-on-your-own-with-only-Pinterest-there-to-help super moms, work-60-hours-a-week-and-still-run-your-own-dang-errands super career women, study-til-5-in-the-morning-and-still-train-for-a-marathon-and-never-watch-TV-ever super students.

What we're getting as a result isn't perfect people who actually CAN do it all -- we're getting people who are emotionally/mentally/physically crumbling because they think they should be able to and are afraid to admit to their neighbors/friends/family that they can't or don't want to."

She makes some valid points. We do feel that pressure to do everything, do it well, and do it all by our own selves. It's overwhelming. And unless you're not sleeping, like, ever, it's impossible. Hence the crumbling.

Here's the thing, though. Every time I mention that I take the girls to a sitter once a week, people have been nothing but supportive. "Good for you!" they say, or, "That is such a great idea!" Not one person has been critical or rude or judgmental or even questioned my reasons. Perhaps I'm just fortunate to be surrounded by loving, encouraging people, but I think there's more to it than that.

I think deep down we all know that it's okay if we can't do it all. When we see someone who is happier because they choose to spend time on their priorities and let the other things go, we rejoice a little with them. We want the same thing for ourselves. When someone else admits that they need help, somehow it gives us permission to do the same.

Maybe most of the pressure to be the perfect mom/wife/employee/student/person is in our heads.


Maybe we should worry less about what everyone else's version of perfect looks like and just try to be the best us we can be.

Maybe we should all make "guilty" choices that help us do just that.

So if it means getting a store-bought birthday cake instead of baking one from scratch, or hiring someone to do your yard work, or eating out for lunch every day, or never taking things to the dry cleaner, or having an extra long shower in the morning, or not letting your kids have play-dough in the house, or hiding a stash of cookies that you don't have to share with anyone, or taking time to do something creative, or getting your groceries delivered, or hiring a babysitter as often as you need, then do it! Whatever little thing decreases your stress and increases your joy, for heaven's sake DO IT.

You have my full support.