The Wisdom of David

In the vein of Grace's "Simon Says" posts, here are a few things that husband-o'-mine has said over the last couple months. It's a wonder my eyes haven't gotten stuck in the back of my head from all the rolling they do. How I love that big weirdo.

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"I would hate to live next to a snake charming school. You get those first year snake charmers who can't control their animals, and the snakes just run away, and then what?"

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He sang in falsetto: "Tubby time!"

So I finished with: "...in the LBC!"

He responded: "They should have tubby time in the LBC. Those kids are gross."

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After I mentioned that I should probably read some Russian novels like Crime and Punishment or something equally dense and depressing: "I could get you some Russian kids' books. Like Putin Buys a Cat. DUDE WE SHOULD TOTALLY WRITE THAT BOOK."

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Upon listening to me read One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish to Mila, specifically this part:  

We took a look. We saw a Nook. On his head he had a hook. On his hook he had a book. On his book was "How to Cook." We saw him sit and try to cook. He took a look at the book on the hook. But a Nook can't read, so a Nook can't cook SO...what good to a Nook is a hook cook book?

 "What is Dr. Seuss teaching our child? That it's cool to make fun of illiterate hobos?"

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Me: *making awkward noises while trying to get situated comfortably in bed*

Him: "Are you okay?"

Me: "Yeah. Just being a fat old man. You know, grunting and groaning and breathing heavily and smelling terrible."

Him: "You don't smell that terrible."

Me: *laughing and dripping sarcasm* "Well, thank you, dear. I feel so much better now."

Him: "Let me rephrase that... No, I'm just gonna roll over and go to sleep now."